I thought about this question all day. What did I want to write about…did I want to share my sob story of the “pain and suffering” I went through switching careers in mid-2014 and tragically losing 3 friends and 3 family members in an 18-month time span.
How bad a screwed up my 1st startup trying to bottle my grief and heartache and solely focus on work from 2015-2017?
Or maybe the abusive relationships I found myself in during that time. Not all abusive relationships are romantic, let me throw that out there. Friends, family, coworkers, your own mind, the media… They can lie, manipulate the truth, or distract you from what you know you need to do. What your gut is telling you to do…
In “How to Be Efficient: Dan Ariely’s 6 New Secrets to Managing Your Time”, he explains that “our default is now a constant, aggressive chain of siren songs from our environment… If you followed every directive from your surroundings these days you’d quickly be broke, obese, and constantly distracted”.
Research shows distractions make us stupid.
Your surroundings should make the things you need to do easy and the things you shouldn’t do hard.
I spent 15 years of my life working in preventative healthcare. I actively practiced biohacking and spent all day working in a wellness-inspired environment. I knew what to do to be healthy… I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO BE HEALTHY.
But, I wanted so bad to succeed, to learn everything I needed to learn, I suppressed that knowledge so I could make room in my head to learn all the things I was certain would make me successful. I ignored the signs that my body was telling me.
I had never experienced depression before, not the kind you can’t move past. Even when my mom died and I had my son 2 months later I was able to work through it pretty quickly without going inward and getting stuck in a dark place.
But, at that time I actively practiced massage and had outlets for my stress. I was able to channel my energy and physically move through my pain and loss. Movement is key for me. That is part of my truth. I like being active, I don’t enjoy watching tv every day or even every week. I love being surrounded by people and feeling their energy.
When I don’t move or surround myself with positive energy or ways to release my energy it starts to build up. Like a volcano about to erupt.
Have you ever been in a silent room but the noise is so loud you can’t think. My wake-up moment was when the thoughts in my head became so loud I couldn’t focus or sleep. I knew I needed to find my way back.
After thinking about how to approach my first blog of the challenge, I realized it wasn’t one singular event that I could tell you about. It was about the accumulation of everything. All of the noise, the distractions, the ups and downs that made me realize I wanted to take control of my life. Turn the volume up or down as needed.
I can’t pinpoint when I feel like I started to lose myself. My authentic-self. The person who loved life and people. Who could find joy in anything… But somewhere along the way, my truth, living a life of intention, became fuzzy.
End of 2017 I decided there needed to be a change. I started working to rebuild my life. I started walking or hiking 4 to 10 miles a day.
Movement (as always) helped me work through all of the emotions, pressure, and stress I was feeling.
In January of 2018, I had made a pivotal change in my physical and mental state. I started to feel, “normal” again. I launched Pivotous and really started caring about myself and my personal well-being.
I don’t know if anyone else feels like time speeds up as you get older, but when I was young, I felt like the days would last forever. Now if I’m not actively watching, 3 months will pass and I don’t know where they went. Somedays you get so busy living you forget to enjoy the short life your given to live.
I don’t feel lost now. I have been moving closer and closer to my #bestlifeever every day since I consciously decided to live again. I know I still have a lot of work to do and that staying in check is a lifelong commitment.
So on this first day on this challenge, I made time to take my son to the movies and dinner, even though I had a long list of work and chores I wanted to do.
I took my dog to the park and on a walk to change my environment and clear my thoughts.
I stuck to my diet.
I spoke my mind, shared my feelings, and had conversations I wanted to avoid but needed to happen. I’m not good at telling people what I think because I HATE fighting but know you have to fight for what you believe. That is definitely something I need to work on.
I think overall today was a success. Tomorrow will be better.